Que sera sera

It's been a long time since I last wrote my blog. Since then much has happened. So much so in fact that life seemed uncertain what with the Covid pandemic, soldiers dying trying to defend our borders from terrorists- who never mind what is going on- never seem to take a break from terrorism. You would think that a deadly virus would strike some terror into their hearts! But no, they insist on their terror spree. People are busy with the incident of the black man being shot by a white cop. Any person shot no matter their color of their skin is a matter of concern don't you think? In short the Covid may have wrought changes in nature and momentarily halted the footsteps of global warming, pollution etc but it has brought little or no change in our fellow humans. It is business as usual for them.  

Today I'm dealing with a different topic. Dealing isn't the right word. Because there is no way to deal with it. And I'm not the fittest person to deal with it. Recently a young Bollywood actor took his life. Good looking, successful- what made him take such an extreme step? Some say it was depression. He was off his meds. Others say he was alone. Truth is no one really knows. What makes a person in a split second decide that life is no longer worth living. What makes life so intolerable that ending it seems a better option than going on for a minute more. All of us have faced such a moment in our lives. If you haven't, you are one of the more fortunate ones. Life is unbearable. And all those platitudes- this too shall pass, tomorrow is another day, it gets darkest before dawn- I can go on and on, none of those platitudes work. Because reality is- it doesn't get better. Nothing changes. Miracles don't happen. And sometimes life grinds you down. In such case what do you do? What can you do? Everything that makes you human, everything that makes you a sentient being rails against being ground into nothingness. You long to assert your independence as a human by an act of defiance, even if it is the act of ending your life. It is your life isn't it? So you get to decide. One question though. Did you choose to be born? Did you decide when to take your first breath? No. The decision to bring you into existence rests with someone else- your parents, God(if you believe), fate. There is a Hindu saying that birth, marriage and death are predestined. The day of your death is decided the day you were born. To believe in fate smacks of weakness, of cowardice. To cease to act is difficult, next to impossible. We cannot sit around waiting for fate to take a hand. But we can cultivate the detachment Krishna talked about in Gita. Act but be not attached to the fruit of your actions. Easier said than done. I don't know about you but when I act I expect results. And when results do not match my expectations I'm disappointed. And hurt. And depressed. And that's okay. That's normal. But after pushing and pushing at the stone like Tantalus if you cannot take it uphill, give up. Stand aside. It might not get better. But It might not get worse. And even if it does, remember you did not choose life, it chose you. When your time comes, and it comes to all, there will be an end. To everything. Till then say que sera sera and stand aside. Maybe it's time for your pruning. Maybe it will generate new growth in another direction. Maybe it won't. But with time you will stop caring so much. You will grow calluses. And calluses are good. They will help you heal. In ways you don't realize. So don't take that step. If you are alone reach out. If you are not, think of the people who have loved and nurtured you- your parents. If you don't have that, then know this, what will be, will be. And carry on. Don't just give up on yourself. Because you are the one with the responsibility here. Your call. Just make it the right one. Hang on. Help will come.