Right. So here I am again. To answer the second part of the question put to me: "Are you a working woman Ma'am? Surely you're not a housewife?" While the words used aren't exactly the same the import of the words is. On my asking why she thought so she replied: "Because you seem so confident." It was on the tip of my tongue to tell the young girl that she didn't know the first thing about housewives. They are confident. Super confident. Most of the time I get the heebie- jeebies seeing exactly how confident they are and how splendidly they manage their lives and homes. I've worked for exactly six years as a professional and for the rest I've been a homemaker. But somehow I've never been able to include myself in that category. Instead I've stayed on the sidelines watching admiringly and slightly wistfully the assurance with which the breed we call homemakers or housewives live their lives. Among them and foremost among them is my mother. With mother's day around the corner it's the perfect time to tell my mother what a wonderful person she has been. The rock of our family. Everything I am- the good not the bad- is because of her. My real education has come from her and not from the books I've read or schools I've attended. The reason I've taken so long to write the second part of questions and answers is that I've
been busy on U tube doing some research for this blog. I've watched umpteen videos posted by homemakers who've turned homemaking into a skilled art. From folding clothes to cleaning tips to making room fresheners, candles, hypertufa pots, to organizing the fridge, files, kitchen, cupboards- you name it, they've done it all. To a person like me whose idea of cleaning the house is once a year or on the rare occasions we have a visitor and too by picking everything up and cramming it into the cupboard with the warning to my family to open cupboards at their own peril, it was a revelation how efficient these women are. I've haven't subscribed to any of their videos or given a thumbs up but here I'd like to mention a few- At home with Nikki, Alejandra organization tips, Do it on a dime, Do it gurl, the sorry girls, house & home, and tons of gardening videos. I've tried a few tips, messed up many, made room fresheners( believe me they work!) and at the end of it stayed awed by these women and the amount of labor and love they invest in their homes. Some of them do it professionally-( House & home videos) but most are housewives. I've learnt a lot from them. But I still cannot classify myself as a housewife. The reason is I've been a penniless writer for the last 7 years before which I was a teacher. The lessons I've learnt as a homemaker are not all pleasant. It is and remains the worst and most thankless job ever. Zero appreciation- everything that goes wrong from leaking taps to absentee maids - is your fault and NO HOLIDAYS ever. Yes. If you're on the brink of being a dreamy eyed newbie housewife you should rapidly get used to the idea of no holidays because your life is anyway one big holiday, isn't it? Because you are AT HOME. Hubby has the excuse of work pressure, and the classic excuse: I've been working the whole day while you've been chilling. Yup! Housewives live in a chill out zone. Perpetually. But in reality their existence sucks. Having seen both sides I cannot deny that financial independence is a must for all women. Without that you are reduced as a human being and your self esteem suffers when you must accept handouts from your spouse. But that is just my view. I'm sure umpteen women disagree.
The second refrain you get to hear most frequently is: No-one is coming so why are you making this effort? And that is another of my observations. How often we live our lives for others, to show others. How many of us say hey! I'm doing this for myself because I like it. Most housewives don't live for themselves because they don't have a clear demarcated space that says Me. When you are working it's different. Then your space is demarcated, as is your social identity. You are not taken for granted. So to all the housewives out there I say: you are marvelous! The greatest! And on mother's day I say: Thanks ma. For giving a beautiful clean home to come back to and making me the person I am today. From telling me stories, to listening to my grouses, to scolding me and criticizing my mistakes, to giving me pieces of yourself you have made my life. If you hadn't been a housewife I wouldn't have been me. So here's to all of you great women from me- a big salute!
