The happiness search

Consider these sentences. "I wish you all happiness". " I want to be happy." "I want you to be happy." "All I want is to find some happiness." Most things change with time. Clothes, customs, cultural mores, language. As a race we humans are constantly evolving, changing, redefining  ourselves and our surroundings. But the thirst for happiness remains constant through all ages. It is perennial, unchanging. With all our basic appetites satisfied we still crave for this ephemeral elusive thing we call happiness. But to exactly define it is so difficult. It means different things for different people. For some it can be something as simple as a smile on someone's face; a blooming flower; a sunset or sunrise. For others it might hold heavier more philosophical connotations. The mystery behind life and death. The eternal bliss. Sat, Chit, Ananda. But we all agree on one count. That is we search for happiness throughout our lives. We pursue success, riches, love only because we so desperately crave that feeling that high these bring- and which we call happiness. Happiness is basically the emotion of pleasure and bliss we feel at certain points in our lives. It is not a constant permanent state for most of us; it is fleeting. Only for those who have attained liberation perhaps it can be permanent. 

Our constant cry these days is "I want to be happy." Do we forget that in our very act of searching for it we might in fact lose it? If we question ourselves frequently "Am I happy?" we are opening the door to discontent and unhappiness?  

Pause for a moment. Stop. Stand still. Look around you. 

Instead of searching for happiness see how many reasons you already have to be happy. You have a fantastic family, loving friends and the opportunity to see a new sunrise every day. So, many things in your life are wrong. But hey! Life's not perfect. If you search for reasons to be happy instead of searching for happiness itself, you might just find what you've been searching for. Inside. Around you. In those myriad little things we overlook so often and which mean so much when we no longer have them. Let our search begin with counting our blessings. So trite. I know. But try it sometime. It works. 

There is only one person who can truly ensure your own happiness. That is you. Because even though you didn't know it you had the key the whole time. So stop your search. Reach out and unlock yourself. Begin by being happy. 

Indian English Fiction

Hiya folks! Missed my Monday deadline. Not because I was busy. Au contraire I was waiting to finish the book I was reading. It is not easy to say anything when you have nothing in particular to say; though I am well aware that it is an art at which many excel. Needless to say it is not an art I have mastered. Not yet anyway.( I hope to) I have always envied people who can trot out banal chit- chat and and are able to converse on any topic under the sun while I labor in vain and end up with hmms and ahhs like a moron. 

But I digress. Classic ageing symptoms. So as I was saying I was waiting to finish the book I was reading before writing this blog. That's because I'm a late entrant to the scene and I did not want to display my ignorance to all and sundry. I've still a few pages left and my ignorance is still pretty much intact but I can say what I think right? Free country and all.

Indian English Fiction has come of age. When I was in college I felt deeply the dearth of Indian writers writing fiction - the kind we like to read. Not high brow stuff which has you scratching your head if you happen to be a simpleton like me; but stuff we enjoy reading. The pulp variety. Thrillers, romance, adventure. Fiction fiction. The kind that doesn't win awards. Only entertains. 

I am pleased to say we have a host of writers aiming to do precisely that- entertain. I used to read Dan Brown, Baldacci, Child, Archer, Follett mostly. So I was unaware how the market for Indian English fiction has exploded. Recently I finished Krishna Key by Ashwin Sanghi and I must confess I was pleasantly surprised. He manages to make a cocktail of history, theology, mythology and give us a thriller with shades of Dan Brown. To learn and explore my country through his eyes was a revelation. I turned eagerly to his first novel Rozabal Line which puts forward the astonishing theory that Jesus did not die on the cross but in fact came to India and married a second time ( his first wife being Mary Magdalene) and his descendants might even be Kashmiri Muslims. He has take pains to substantiate this with a staggering amount of research which makes one dizzy as the novel zigzags between different time periods. I'm sorry to say this was not as well put together as Krishna Key and he rather spoils all his erudite commentary by dealing with past life regression in Bollywood style where the soul has the same face and gender through the ages and Karma is explained in childishly simple terms: Tit for tat! Yes. A bit too much for even a simpleton like me. 

Chetan Bhagat does not need my mention; he is indisputably the crowned king of Indian pulp fiction. I believe he has ventured into script writing too- Kick ( Bollywood movie- Salman starrer) has been written by him. I've read Anuja Chauhan. She's slightly risque, funny and highly entertaining. Those of you who went through the M& B phase or are still in the throes of it, will enjoy her books. She has plenty of Hinglish interspersed with quite good English and I will be eternally grateful to her for letting me know it is "Anyway" not "Anyways" like they use with abandon on TV serials.(These days I am constantly being updated on English language- usage, spellings etc. It's heartening to know I'm not always wrong) Amish Tripathy is another writer with the Meluha series. I couldn't relate to the idea of Shiva as a human speaking equivalent of modern English. I think Sanghi handles theology better.I must say I haven't read Ravinder Singh or Durjoy Dutta or the Gen- X writers. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. But the vacancy I felt so acutely in my college days has been filled. And how! 

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Go ahead read what Indian English fiction has to offer today!  Enjoy! 

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Winner takes it all??

I always thought nothing succeeded like success. That winning was all that mattered. That losing was all about failure. And the winner took it all- every last bit. But after watching an episode of Homemade yesterday on AXN I guess I'm not so sure anymore. Many times before I've felt very strongly that the deserving don't always get their due. I've known that since I was sixteen years old. But yesterday for the first time I saw the whole thing - this winning and losing game- in an entirely new light. 

For the first time I wondered how it must to be win and know in your heart of hearts you did not deserve that win. To stand before others and accept an award or prize and know that it belongs to someone else. To others who deserve it more than you do. 

For those of you who don't care one way or another, for those with a dead or dormant conscience, it's okay pal. After all you won. It says it all. 

But it doesn't. Because no matter what your award says, no matter what prize you get, no matter what the world says, you know you didn't deserve it. You'll know even if no-one does. How do you live with that? And yourself? 

On the other hand the so-called loser or failure walks out of the contest, competition knowing that he or she deserved to win more than the person who did. That he or she was far better. 

Hey! So who's the winner here? The one with the award, trophy, prize, what- have-you or the one who knows with a deep certainty that he or she deserved to win but did not?  That he or she did a damn good job, far better than the person who actually won. The satisfaction of a job well done far outweighs, in my opinion, any prize or award you might get; any win, any success you might have got. 

So the next time you lose ask yourself: are you really the loser? Because even if you deserved to lose you don't come away empty handed from the experience. You come away with knowledge, with experience. You learn. 

There are no losers my friend. Only learners. And winners don't take it all. Not every time.

Song sung blue

We all have our moments. Those dark clouds hanging over us. Those moments when we hover on the edge of the precipice looking down at the bottomless pit below; when that pit is the only reality, the only way out. The world seems a bleak place, devoid of warmth and light; the night unending with no signs of the day breaking; no hope; nothing. These dark spaces exist in us all. I hate to say this but it may not be a temporary phase. The pit might be the only reality for all eternity. There may be no way out. There may be no help forthcoming no matter which way you turn. So what do you do? 

If you think this is one of those how-to manuals on how to beat back depression and come bouncing back all new and shiny, let me disabuse you of that immediately. If you ask me I don't have the answers any more than you do. I'm no wellness guru dispensing advice on how to rise out of that consuming darkness; I offer no platitudes about a certain day after the night. Sometimes life is unending night with no reprieve. 

But I can share with you some of my little methods. 

Sleep: I find this always works for me. Things look fractionally better after a good night's sleep. What seemed so bleak and depressing the previous night looks better the morning after. Tomorrow like Scarlett o'Hara said is always another day. It might not be a brighter day than the previous one but it is a different one with possibilities which you bring to it. 

Play the blame game: Blame everything and everyone you can think of for your messed up life. It might not be true; it might not be right but it will surely make you feel better. Heaps. Works for me every time. Like magic. Anything and anyone you can think of. The government; your neighbor; your spouse; your parents; fate; God Almighty. Except yourself. 

Don't think: Whatever you do don't think. At all. Don't brood; don't obsess; don't let your mind dwell on what has happened to your life. Just don't go there. Turn yourself into a mindless zombie moving from one day to the next keeping your thoughts and emotions on the hold. Latch on to your favorite pastime and stay there. Latched on. 

And my final mantra. Even this shall pass. Mr. Biswas's ( character in Naipaul's novel) consolation works for me every time. Everything passes eventually. Night doesn't go away; the pit doesn't disappear; but you are able to step back from the edge of the precipice. Finally. Turn your blues into a song as Neil Diamond says. Who knows- even dark spaces have their upside?